Running Conclusions

Thwacka, thwacka, thwacka, thwacka... My sneakered feet hit the pavement in steady rhythm as I ran across campus in the cool night air -- well, cool in comparison to the 95 degree weather the sunshine had brought that day. I didn't have a route in mind. I just ran.

Thwacka, thwacka, thwacka, thwacka… My thoughts wandered a bit as I cut down through South Halls. I had some good memories down there my sophomore year in college, and in the years that followed working move-in/move-out with PSUPD. I smiled. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

Thwacka, thwacka, tap, tap, tap, tap… I took the steps behind Redifer Commons at a jog – those steps there were designed for child-size feet, not adult ones. I hung a right at the bottom of the steps, and cut down into the parking lot, and out to the sidewalk that runs along College Avenue. I lengthened my stride, as the sidewalk stretched out ahead of me, the flat surface a perfect spot to make up some time.

Thwackity, thwackity, thwackity, thwackity… Seems all I’ve been doing lately is making up for lost time. Where was I going? The thought was a philosophical one, rather than navigational. As I approached Shortlidge Road, my thoughts were not about the traffic beside me, or the people I passed. I paid no attention to the storefronts to my left, or the picturesque campus to my right where I’d spent so many years. No, as I ran, I thought of what was behind me.

Thwackity, thwackity, thwackity, thwackity… I left my hometown at 18, and never really looked back. I spent four and a half years in college, and three and a half of those years working two jobs to pay for it. I’d moved around some within the area, but never felt transient. I’d made a life for myself here – great friends, a job I don’t completely hate, an area that I’ve come to have a rather strong fondness for – at some point, when I was busy running, I’d made it home.

The thought struck me so solidly that I stopped. I looked up the hill to my right, and saw Old Main standing proud, with its stoic columns, and weathered clock tower, the gray stone washed white in the lamp light. I shook my head and laughed at myself. Who’da thought? I headed back down College Avenue.

Thwacka, thwacka, thwacka, thwacka… I fell back into my rhythm as I passed the gates at Allen Street. Sweat ran between my shoulder blades and slicked my skin. I barely noticed. My mind was too preoccupied with thoughts of home and future and life to be concerned with my physical discomfort. Did I want to settle down? What about all the places I wanted to see, and the things I wanted to do?

Thwacka, thwacka, thwacka, thwacka… I passed a group of young women, dressed to the hilt. They gave me snide glances as I passed them – my sweating self apparently offended their delicate sorority sensibilities. I laughed again – out loud this time. How am I at home around a bunch of bitchy sorostitutes??

Thwacka, thwacka, thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack… I rounded the corner at Burrowes Street, and started up the hill, changing my pace to accommodate the change in grade. The climb had my muscles singing before I’d made it twenty-five yards. But I pushed, because life was what you made it. If you wanted something, you worked, and pushed, and sweat until you had it. You didn’t give up, or stop pushing just because it got too hard, and the before was more comfortable.

Thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack… Despite the aching in my legs, and the burning that was starting in my lungs, I smiled. I didn’t have to become complacent, but I didn’t have to reinvent myself every time I got comfortable, either. I could settle in, and still push for more, couldn’t I?

Thwack, thwack, thwacka, thwacka, thwacka, thwacka… As I crested the hill, and crossed Curtin Road, my stride naturally lengthening again, I knew what I wanted. I cut behind Kern Building, the trees casting long shadows on the sidewalk. I could have both – be both.

Thwacka, thwacka, thwacka, thwacka… I hung a right and ducked behind the parking garage and through north campus, past the fountain at Chambers Building – they’d fixed it since I’d graduated, and the trickling water was a pleasant sound in the night. I turned left onto Allen Road, my muscles beginning to tighten with fatigue. Only had another three-quarters of a mile to go – I could make it.

Thwacka, thwacka, thwacka, thwacka… Park Avenue stretched ahead of me, as I followed the sidewalk to the right. My mind flashed back to a time when I’d stood in the middle of that road, in full traffic gear, responsible for dozens of college kids working under me, and the safe exodus of thousands of football fans. I’d wanted to conquer the world in those days – and in some ways thought I had. But with graduation came reality – and with reality came a personal rock-bottom that I didn’t think someone like me could experience.

Thwackadum, thwackadum, thwackadum, thwackadum…My pace slowed as a concession to the fatigue becoming more palpable with every stride. I crossed Shortlidge Road, and looked to my left over what had once been open field, and was now Penn State’s Arboretum, and next to that it’s Law School. Those building projects caused such headaches for the campus. Especially during football season, as we lost thousands of parking spaces, and had to worry about drunk fans stumbling onto the job sites and hurting themselves. But they were built. Progress was made. The aches and pains were overcome.

Thwacka, thwacka, thwacka, thwacka… I picked my pace back up, determined to finish my run strong. I hung a right onto Bigler Road. It was mostly down hill now, on the final leg. I pulled myself out of my rock-bottom back then, and overcame my pains. Made myself into a person that I liked and respected – and a person that has turned out to be liked and respected by others, too. And what I wanted? Yeah… I can make myself into that too, without giving up what I’ve become.

Thwackity, thwackity, thwackity, thwackity… That realization brought new energy, and I took the pace up another notch as I passed the East Deck. I could do this. More importantly, I wanted to – and in my life, one has most usually led to the other.

Thwackity-tackity, thwackity-tackity, thwackity-tackity, thwackity-tackity… By the time I crossed Curtin Road, I was nearly sprinting. I flew by the Computer Building, and rounded the corner at Eisenhower Road at near breakneck speed, taking the corner wide enough to keep my footing.

Thwackity-tackity, thwackity-tackity, thwackity-tackity, thwackity-tackity… The last 75 yards were mine, and I took them at a full sprint. My mind, for the first time since I laced up my running shoes, completely blanked. All I could hear were my feet on the pavement, and the music in my earphones – Papa Roach at that particular point. My muscles were singing, and my heart was pounding, but still I pushed.

Thwackity-tackity, thwackity-tackiy – whoosh… I was done. My lungs were heaving as I bent at the waist and put my hands on my knees. My gray tank top was completely soaked through with sweat, and it dripped down my face, splattering on the pavement between my feet. I smiled. It was a good run…